We kid you not: Be on your best Gasparilla behavior

You've heard all the stories, and you may have been a part of them. Gasparilla can get a little, um, festive, especially when alcohol is involved.

While that's to be expected during the pirate invasion, the Gasparilla Children's Parade should be a different story. It's about the kids, you know? So grown-ups leave the drunken craziness for the adults and follow these basic rules when getting your pirate on with the little ones.

Don't be a bead hog: You have excellent catching skills, we get it. But use your supernaturally long arms for good and not evil. If you catch some beads, share the love and pass them along to a kid.

No boozin' it up: The Gasparilla Children's Parade is just that, for children. It's an alcohol-free event. If you want to get your drink on, wait a week and attend the main event on Jan. 28.

No swearing: This one goes along with the no-alcohol. If you're not three sheets to the wind, you shouldn't have a problem restraining your potty mouth. Let the kids learn all the dirty words on the playground like nature intended.

No hoochie mama: It's been an entire year since you've gotten to sport that sexy wench costume. It's a real eye-grabber for sure. But the kids want to see the floats and bands, not get an anatomy lesson.

You make a better door than a window: The first row is for the tiny tots. Think of it like you're taking a class picture; the front is for the shorties, the back is for you big galoots. You'll be able to see just fine, we promise.

No smoking: If you need nicotine fix, find a spot away from the crowd. No one wants to be all up in your personal hazmat cloud. Not to mention the risk of burning a little kid.

No littering: There will be many temporary garbage cans. Make use of them. Nobody wants a shoeful of cheese sauce from your discarded nachos. Mmmmm, nachos …

Speaking of littering … Please make your tinkle inside of those little blue "houses." Port-a-potties are there for a reason. No one wants you weeing on their lawn or in front of their 5-year-old.

BUT THIS IS OK

Bring a grabber: Beads and candy often don't make it very far from the float. Be the hero of the day and bring something to retrieve stray bubble gum, token coins and beads from trees and the street.

Make a friend: Gasparilla is one of our community's best traditions. Smile and chat with your neighbors on either side of your claimed spot along the route. That's kind of what the day is about. Well, that and beads and pirates and stuff.

Have a kid in tow: If you are choosing to attend this event over the other, you should at least have a kid with you. What a great way to spend the day with your own kids, a favorite niece or nephew or a borrowed tot for the day. No, your "inner-child" doesn't count.

Wear a costume: Get into the spirit of Gasparilla by dressing up in an appropriate homage to the pirates. Kids really love wearing eye patches when they are not for medicinal purposes, too.